Curly Morris

Pitbull comes ashore

In Politics on July 7, 2009 at 2:21 am

Sarah Palin has announced that she will not be finishing her term as the Govenor of Alsaka.     

Raise the roof baby!

Raise the roof baby!

I’m stunned.

After being exposed as a moron of the highest order in front of the entire globe during the 2008 Presidential campaign, after being ridiculed by every comedian not named Rush Limbaugh, after putting more foot in her mouth than the competitors at a South Carolina ‘pig – foot eating contest’, now she decides to exit sled left?

Did she wake up yesterday and finally realize that she had been treading water in the ocean of national politics without having taken a single swimming lesson? Yesterday? She just realized this yesterday?

Of course ‘moron nation’ will shed tears for her like Michael Jackson fans ,further driving a wedge down the middle of the G.O.P., at least half of whom realized that Barack Obama had sealed up last year’s election the moment John McCain chose Palin as a running mate.

I called my brother as soon as I heard the Palin announcement on NPR and told him literally, “McCain just gave away the election.”

Since Palin is not present to defend herself, and more importantly because she will not be around to poke fun at anymore let us recap some of the highlights of what I like to call the “Palin-eo-this chick? Era”. Keep in mind that I won’t waste any time rehasing her pre McCain years because she wasn’t any dirtier than most of the other politicians That have held public offices nationwide. I mean she didn’t: smoke crack in a hotel room with a prostitute, pardon any convicted felons, sextext any congressional pages,try to solicit sex in a bathroom stall…at an airport…you get the picture. Still she will be missed if for no other reason thatn the fact that her comedic timing rivals Michael Cera and at least we’ll still get to watch him in more movies.

The “Palin-oh-this chick? Era”

August 2008 – Palin announced as running mate to GOP Presidential candidate John McCain. Her primamry qualification? Commander and Chief of the Alaskan National Guard.

September 2008 – Palin is found to have billed the citizens of Alaska for 312 days of per diem while traveling on state business. The only problem? She was staying at home at the time. McCain decides to keep Palin away from the press for three weeks for waterboarding, excuse me ‘presidential training’. In the same month Palin tells CBS’s Katie Couric:  “As (Russian President) Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.” This, Palin says, is what gives her the neccessary foreign policy experience to occupy the White House.

October 2008 –  When asked, again by Katie Couric, after her ‘presidential training, to name a Supreme Court decision that she disagreed with other then Roe vs Wade, Palin responded…”Well, let’s see. There’s ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―” Other Palin gems during the month of October:

 “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.”

“[T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.”…in response to a question from a third grader. The question? What does the Vice President do?

A top McCain adviser once called her “A whack job.”

“She’s not prepared to be governor. How can she be prepared to be vice president or president? Look at what she’s done to this state. What would she do to the nation?” ―Alaska State Senate President Lyda Green, who is a Republican.

We’ll miss you Sarah Palin. You were our best hope to fuel our late night shows with comedy material after Dubya. I know that you’ll make a brief re-apperance in 2012 (probably with Limbaugh by her side) to try to jump start your base, but that effort will be short lived as the Republican Party will most certainly bury you faster than you can shoot a mosse from a helicopter.

Still, thanks for the ride. After what Bush and Cheney did to the U.S. we needed some good laughs.



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